Thank You Mum

I remember everything. The pains, the struggles, the frustrations that you had to endure for my sake.
Its not that I don't love you, no, not at all. I love you so deeply and so strongly that there is no normal and physical way for me to express my love.

I wish I can run and hug you whenever I see  you but all I can manage is a simple smile. I want to tell you all the things I love about you. I want to cry on your laps again. I want you to tell me stories again. I wanna be  your little boy again.

You know me like the palm of your hands. When you look at me, I never miss your thoughts hidden so carefully in your eyes. The events of my birth and struggles of my childhood,  your little boy then is now a Man. I have promised to pacify you with all my love and all my talents. I want to write a new chapter in our lives. It will be the creation of our hopes and dreams.

I want you to see the world in a new light  so different from the one we are used to. I want to see that smile you had when I first walked and talked. The excitement and desire and hopes of our paradise.

It is my sacred duty to ensure your well being now. When I was still naive, I resented  you for being poor. I bought the propaganda  of our society to marginalize and label people who are different from us. For this sin, I am deeply sorry.

With  your gift of focus and my power of imagination, I have already created our future like we discussed. I am laying the foundations now so please wait for me. I feel  your love right here. The over hundred miles separating us hasn't reduced your love intensity.

For the first time, I am truly happy!  I won the battle against myself. Mum, I am so proud of you. Do you know that I become pumped up with new energy when I remember those days? I am a new man now. You  are my inspiration  and role model. I am already  successful because I am as  happy as you are!

But there is more. I just realized that I am classified as a gifted person. I now understand my behavior and character. Now that I know why I am the way I am, I have accepted myself and that's why I am happy.

How do I explain to people that because I have an unusually high IQ, I have low EQ?
I am now learning to love my weirdness.  Mum, no matter how I think about it, I believe you are the best.

I love you with  every color I can imagine, I love you more than the multiverse my mind can conjure. You are the foundation of my reality and a touch light to my long dark journey of freedom  and creativity

You always wished me luck. It makes me remember the times that you used carry me at  your back for Gold Searching at the river banks. I was 2 years old but I remember. I cant forget.

Thank you so much my Love.

Your son,
AMfree

My website is down and I'm frustrated

Its been 5 days now since I started experiencing problems with my VPS server.
After writing back and forth with my Hosting support, we have finally been able to determine what went wrong.

I had a Denial Of Service Attack (Dos). I have no idea who would want to attack me.
I am trying to come up with a motivation for the attack. It could be unintentional DoS attack or it could be foul play from my competitors. It could also be revenge against me.

Calculating all the money I am loosing, all the people that I cannot help, all my website users who are like my family. All the smiles I failed to put on my users faces.


There is nothing I can do now. Feeling Helpless and Useless, If there was a way to learn every trade in the world, I would have done it. Knowledge gives you options which is good for establishing control.

Playing this game of waiting. Waiting for the security team of my web hosting company to fix my issue.

Thanks to all the guys who are are working tirelessly to help bring back the website.

End Of Rant

Why Am I So Angry?

Yeah I said it. I am very Angry. I am very angry at the world and everyone that lives in it.
I hate the fact that we know so little about everything yet we act so high and mighty.
I hate the science "prophets" and the religious ones with a passion.

Why do people presume to know the purpose of life?

Yeah I didn't ask to be born at the place i was born. I didn't ask for any of this so called life.
I don't even know what to believe any more. No matter how I look at it, We are all just brain washed  one way or the other. Education, no matter the type or kind is just another brainwashing.

Why do I have to make money?
Why do I need to have a job or go  to school?
Why do i have to procreate?
What at all is wrong with life?

They say you must fall in love... Really?
Because the last time I checked, all emotions were the same. You can say  there is just one emotion that exist in different dimensions.

Why are there so much rules about sex? Why just why?
Can't  I just walk up to a girl and say Hey Lisa, Can we fuck?
Weddings and whatever ceremonies are just delusions to make our miserable life seem so fulfilled

And What  did you say the truth is?
You think you know the truth about anything?
So tell me General Experience.
Tell me the truth because all those that promised never really knew it

Why so much noise about nothing.

Yeah I am angry and will be when I feel Like it.

At the end of the day, the most important "Accomplishment" in Life is to choose what to brainwash yourself with.

At this moment, I want to feel Angry

So I Rest My Rant!

Only to continue another time when my emotion gears to the dimension  of Rantology.
So Long....
AMfree